Costco Book Signings Going Well, Kiln Shed Nearly Complete


I am tired. Exhausted is really more like it. I have been signing 3-4 days a week at Costco and in my spare time, I have been constructing a new kiln shed. This one is nearly 20' X 20'. I still have to build a new kiln too, but one step at a time.

I fell off a ladder yesterday. I'm not sure how it happened. I was just standing on top of the eight foot ladder, working on the roof and the next thing I know, I was on the ground, tied in a knot around said ladder. Somehow, the fall broke the window in the studio. I missed all my vital organs, but have some bruises on my arms and legs to write home about. I thank the heavens it wasn't worse.

On Monday, I harvested my honey. I have been a beekeeper for the past three years. I got 120 pounds of honey this year which is quite impressive considering that I have only one hive. I got away cheap this year, only two stings, one on my chin which made me look pretty funny, and another on my elbow which I didn't discover until later that evening when the swelling caused my elbow to appear nearly twice the size. I'm not even allergic. My brother Abe who is highly allergic got stung on his lip a week ago when he was harvesting his honey. He looked like a cartoon character, and not a good one. The swelling usually stays for three to four days.

I just got off the phone with my friend, Mike Ramsdell, the author of the Train to Potevka. He is on his way home from San Diego where he was meeting with a literary agency to handle his book. He has pushed it hard and has been signing books at Costco for over three years. He has sold something like 150,000 books through Costco and has finally signed a contract with this agency to take his book to the big leagues in New York, to take it to auction. He kicks himself for already having sold the movie rights to another group after the agency told him he could have done better. Live and learn I suppose.

So, I have personally sold nearly three hundred books at Costco in the last two weeks. The first edition is officially sold out except for a handful I have here. The second edition is pretty cool. Nicer cover, a little more art inside, a lot less--hopefully no errors. People are starting to come back and buy copies to share with their friends and family and the Christmas season hasn't even started yet, even though you would guess it has from the looks of Costco and the early snowfall we recieved today.

I'll be in Bountiful tomorrow and Ogden on Friday. See you at Costco. Come and I'll buy lunch. Cheers. Ben

Guess the Odosketch: Watch It Closely.

While I was preparing for class tonight, it occurred to me that it might be useful for me to sketch a little something.



Bonus points for you if you can tell me what I'm drawing there.

Let's write some labored metaphors!





The wine swirled in her glass like a dark purple dog circling to lie down in a transparent glass bed.


The clouds were like gigantic couch cushions that someone had ripped open and pulled all the stuffing out of for some reason.


He recoiled from her touch like a mouse who was just about to eat some cheese only to realize the cheese was bait in a mouse trap.


Her skin was like chocolate pudding, although firmer and not as sticky, and a different color.


His laugh was like rock concert if the band was a comedy band and they were working the crowd pretty well.


That summer in Seattle was like the Detroit Race Riots, except instead of looters we had uncomfortably hot people and instead of racial tensions we had 85 degree heat that we weren't used to.


Her eyes were like two sailboats if the boats were round and painted light blue.


He gasped for air like a football quarterback who just got chased for twenty blocks by drug dealers after things went bad in a drug deal that happened during the off-season.


He had a face like a sawmill if a sawmill could somehow be like a face.



.

10 days...

The fact that Isaac's birthday is approaching in 10 days has been wearing on me. I am just finding myself sort of heightened emotionally, not sleeping too well, and just overall a little more exhausted than usual.

On a positive note, Spencer and I finally found a cedar chest in which to store Isaac's things. What we haven't hung on walls or displayed has been sitting in the room that would have been his nursery for the past year. I just hadn't been ready to put them away... doing so just felt like I was moving on and I have been having a hard time with that recently. But yesterday, we went up to an Amish market and found a beautiful cedar chest that we both loved. We wanted it made slightly differently than the version they had in the store, so they were kind enough to custom order one for us. It won't be here in time for Isaac's birthday, but that's okay.

I had a dream last night about October 7th... I dreamed that I accidentally went to work because I had forgotten what day it was. When I showed up, my substitute teacher was there and was confused as to why I was there; when I realized it, I felt horrible... not believing I could forget a day as important as this. That must have been about the time I woke up.

And believe me... there's no place I would rather NOT be right now than work. While my hopes of this being better year were high, it just hasn't been the case. At all. I am thankful to have a job, and enjoy the students I am working with... but other aspects of my job are just not going well.

So throughout the next 10 days, we would really appreciate your prayers as I can feel the tidal wave of grief swelling and growing. I have learned to predict fairly well when it's going to strike, and I know October 7th will be no exception. The truth is, almost a year later, I still miss my son. Terribly. While the Lord has graciously carried us a long way through this journey, I don't miss Isaac any less... and I really don't think I ever will. I am learning that the missing just sort of becomes Incorporated into the fabric of who you are when you've lost a child... not that it ever goes away.

We appreciate your prayers for us and your continued words of encouragement. I know that the Lord uses them mightily.

Ododsketch Seems Like Fun

I don't have a lot of time to play with this tonight, but Adam Koford just posted an "Odosketch" drawing—the first one I'd seen—so I went over to that website to play around.



That's the result of just a few minutes. Maybe I'll do another over the weekend.

My First Literary Event (Don't come)

Seattle friends:

I'm unexpectedly doing a reading at the Hugo House in Capitol Hill next Wednesday, September 30th.

This is not an "official" author reading, like "Isaac Marion reads Warm Bodies" or anything so fancy, I just got invited to participate in the book release of local author Greg Hofmann and decided it would be a good way to wet my toes or cut my teeth or whichever such folksy saying applies. I'm going to read a few short stories in between Greg reading from his book and a few bands playing songs.

I'm not big on public speaking and have never done any kind of live literary performance before so here's what to expect:

1. I nervously drink a few whiskeys. White man's Asian Glow ensues.
2. My sinuses constrict so that my voice becomes very nasally.
3. My chest constricts so that my voice becomes very dry and cracked.
4. Forehead sweat (glistening under spotlights)


I'm not telling you about this event because I desperately want you to attend. I'm actually undecided on whether or not I DO want you to attend, as your effects on my nerves are not known at this time, but on the other hand, depending on who you are, it might be more fun to have you there, so I'm just putting it out there. Come if you want, but feel NO OBLIGATION to come, seriously, even if you're my family members.

That is all.
Good morning.









Doodle Penance Double: Speedy Edition

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave that abomination on the top of the page for weeks like that.

But then the semester started. I'm still getting that straightened out (four classes and three preps this semester), and Mike's got even better excuses for being minimal about his blogging.

But I am determined tonight to bump Lunette Funkadelic down by a step.

So let's see: a couple of weeks ago, someone came to the site looking for "jack a doodle," and the next week, someone came looking for "volume of a shape with 15 cubs."

I think I can work with that.



Pumpkin Jack is looking sleepy again. And he's not the only one, I'd bet.
Well I have be away for awhile. I have been drawing a lot in my sketch book and trying to translate those drawings into paintings. I am also working on a mural with some really good friends at the Alternative Bike & Board shop on Lyndale and lake street.

The Biggest Loser

Spencer and I totally have a thing for this show... The Biggest Loser. While both of us probably got into watching it because of our own interest in health and fitness, I now continue watching because I feel like you get to know so much about the contestants... their personalities, their stories. And quite frankly, they are just downright inspiring.

I missed this season's premier last Tuesday, and randomly found that some channel was re-airing it last night. So of course, Spence and I tuned in. This season's theme is all about second chances. There's a guy on there from last season, who we were actually really pulling for but he got voted off fairly early. Person after person was sharing their stories about why they wanted to come on the show.

And then they got to Abby.

Abby talked about how she had a husband, a 3 or 4 year-old daughter, and a 2 week old son. While this statement may not have alerted anyone else to what she was about to say, when you listen with the ears of a parent who has lost a child you notice subtleties such as the fact that Abby referred to her family in the past tense. I knew what she was going to say next couldn't be good.

And then she said it.

All three were killed in the same fatal car crash.

As my tears came pouring out, I just wanted to jump through the screen and hug this woman.

As she explained what happened, she said something along the lines of how every role she filled was taken away from her... being a wife... being a mother. It made so much sense. And so often, I have felt similarly.

Over the past almost year, it has been so hard to figure out what my role is as a mother when Isaac isn't here to love and to raise. We've been so fortunate to be presented with opportunities to share Isaac with others... through this blog, his memorial service, the golf tournament. Yet in the day-to-day, it is still such a difficult thing to have people ask you if you have any kids because they don't see your child with you... or worse yet, to just assume that you don't and tell you how "lucky" you are because once you do have kids, you can no longer have the freedom to just do this or that. Trust me... I'd give up that freedom in a nanosecond if it meant having Isaac here, as I am sure you well know.

In a little over two weeks, we'll be remembering Isaac's birthday... we'll no longer be counting months since we last hugged him and kissed his little face. It will be years, which is just really strange to be. I'm starting to really feel the heaviness of all of this weigh on me, and we'd appreciate your prayers as we continue to anticipate October 7th and plan a day for Spencer and I to be together and to remember our son.

And tune in on Tuesday nights to watch Abby and the rest of the gang. Despite Jillian and Ed's ridiculous training tactics, I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Autumn Prelude

The calendar tells me that Autumn is still two days away yet the signs are all around me. The leaves are beginning to change and tonight will be in the 30's. The acorn squash and the green and red peppers hang heavy in the garden. I've started digging carrots. Orange and plump and sweet to the taste.
The seasonal change nudges me to change my approach to this blog. To write more often. Thank you to those who have said they've missed it. In the midst of a busy summer it has been low on my priorities.
I heard some fellas talking the other day about approaching retirement and their fear that they would be bored. I can honestly say that I haven't once experienced boredom since retirement. My life is rich with family and challenging experiences.
I am thankful for that. Worked at the Habitat Build this week. Will preach tomorrow. Renovating John's TV room upstairs. New carpet, new paint, new futon, and new TV. John calls it his "man cave". Celebrated John's 23rd birthday on Thursday. Family gathered at Friendly's for supper and ice cream. Earlier in the day we played mini-golf and bowled. John smiled all day. Have spent many hours searching on the Internet for a place to rent in Florida this winter as our earlier plans fell through. Late Thursday evening I found the perfect place for us. And it is available the month of March. It has a separate bedroom and bath for John that will be large enough to accommodate his keyboard. The house is in a region of Florida that we have not yet explored. We are looking forward to the adventure.
That's the key I think. Always have something to look forward to. Family times, challenging work, projects at the house, trips both large and small. Tomorrow we will pray a prayer I found; "Supreme Artist, we praise you for Autumn, a season of humbling and liberating beauty, the grand finale of the year."

By Your Side

It's taking its toll on me that I haven't had the time to write here as much as I would like. Getting back to work has just turned my schedule crazy... much busier than I would like to be. The start of the school year is typically like that, but I certainly don't prefer my weeks to be this way.

So in the midst of the craziness, things would strike me and I would think, "I need to write about this." And of course, by the time I get around to it, it's the weekend... and I may or may not have remembered what I wanted to write; and if I did remember, it's usually with a lot less detail than I would like.

This morning, I was just thinking about a song that has been popping up a lot lately called "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North. I don't have much to say about it, other than the lyrics have spoken to me on so many levels, and to so many aspects of my life. I hope they speak to you as well this morning.

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

Dan Brown-32 Ben Behunin-56

Well, its not everyday I sell more books than Dan Brown, but I did today, at least at the Murray Costco. It was a good day, lots of nice folks and I had enough energy to enjoy it.
Since I wrote last, I have recieved another order for 400 books from Costco which brings my back order status to a whopping 900 books. The second edition of Volume one will be out on Tuesday next. This is starting to become fun.
I printed five copies of volume 2 on Monday. My mom asked for an early copy to read on her trip to Norway. I promised my father in law a copy. Bert Compton, my layout guy got a copy to begin working on his part. Another two copies went to friends and editors. I still hope and think I am on track to have the book ready by November 1 or soon there after.
Life is good.

Keep smiling!

This is a lesson.


































Risk is Right

Our small group is still working through John Piper's book Don't Waste Your Life. It's been a slow go at this book, but Piper's writing is laden with so much wisdom that it takes a while to read and let it all soak in.

Last night we were discussing the fifth chapter in this book that talks about risk. As I read through this chapter in preparation, I was profoundly struck by so many things that Piper had to say.

He begins by defining risk as an action that exposes you to the possibility of loss or injury, and continues on by talking about how the life that magnifies Christ the most is the one of costly love. Piper continues by talking about how risk is unavoidable because this world is anything but safe.

He explored the scriptures, talking about Joab leading the Israelites into battle against the Amalekites and Syians in 2 Samuel 10. He talked about Esther, who was implored by her cousin Mordecai to go before the king and plead the case of her (the Jewish) people. And in both cases, Piper points out that both Joab and Esther had to choose to risk or run. They both chose the path of great risk, and handed the results over to God.

This morning I am glancing back at the note I made in the margin which says, "This is so scary!" I feel like that's true on so many levels. First, I think that being in control gives us a facade of safety. When we hand the results over to someone else, we're no longer in control. It doesn't feel safe. It's risky. Secondly, as Piper points out, that when we risk for the cause of God, there is no promise that every effort will succeed, at least not in the short run. When we make the decision to risk boldly for the sake of making much of God and hand the results over to Him, in His sovereignty, He may allow the unthinkable, the disastrous, the catastrophic to happen. In His infinite wisdom, He knows what will bring Him the most glory.

While I was pregnant with Isaac and so many of us (and you) were praying for his healing, I just kept thinking to myself, "The stage is set, Lord. You can come in, heal this precious little boy, and thousands of people would bear witness to your greatness. The doctors have said this is impossible, but with You, all things are possible." It never occurred to me at the time that He could have been setting the stage to somehow receive greater glory by saying, "No" when the results were handed over to Him.

I am only just now beginning to really understand this... to understand how, in this situation God is somehow receiving greater glory through our pain, rather than the miracle we prayed for; through loss, rather than restoration on this side of heaven.

But I can tell you with absolute resolve, that I don't regret for one minute choosing the road of costly love.

Piper draws this chapter to a close by saying, "On the far side of every risk- even if it results in death- the love of God triumphs." And it has. The love of God triumphs in the way that He has faithfully cared and provided for Spencer and I over the last year. The love of God triumphs in the way that He didn't spare His only son so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. The love of God triumphs in the fact that Isaac is safe in His presence.

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
~ Romans 8:37-39

Terror Has No Expiration Date

I will now write a screenplay based entirely on the tagline that I just thought of approximately 20 seconds ago: "Terror Has No Expiration Date..."


AISLE 6

by Isaac Marion



INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT


A beautiful woman, WOMAN, pushes a shopping cart through the produce aisle of a large, empty supermarket. Her Chihuahua, MARY QUEEN OF SCOTS sits in the cart's rear basket, watching her. The woman checks her grocery list.


WOMAN
Ok, Mary Queen of Scots, we're almost done. The only item left on our list is...


ANGLE ON: the Feminine Hygiene and Family Planning aisle. The fluorescent lights above this aisle are all broken out except one, which flickers ominously.


WOMAN (CONT'D)
...personal lubricant. That aisle doesn't look very inviting, does it Mary Queen of Scots?


Mary Queen of Scots whimpers.


WOMAN (CONT'D)
Oh well, can't go home without the lube. Come on Mary Queen of Scots, let's go.

Woman pushes her cart toward the aisle.

ANGLE ON: Aisle sign. The raised lettering for the number 6 is broken off, leaving a dark outline of bare wood that almost seems to have been burned into the sign.

Woman looks around nervously. The aisle is dark forbidding and seems to grow darker as she goes further in.

CUT TO: POV shot, slowly approaching Woman from behind.

CUT TO: Closeup of Woman's face, cutting her surroundings out of the frame.

Woman suddenly screams and whirls around as something surprises her from behind with a loud musical sting.

ANGLE ON: Mary Queen of Scots, still sitting in the cart basket. Mary Queen of Scots puts her tongue out and pants good-naturedly.

WOMAN
Oh God, Mary Queen of Scots, it's just you. You scared me! This Aisle 6 is kind of creeping me out. I guess I'm just jumpy from all the anal sex I've been having lately. Come on, let's get the lube and go home.


She reaches for a bottle of lube, but just as her fingers touch the shelf a withered hand with long clawed fingernails drops onto her back. She screams and runs away, pushing the cart in front of her.

CUT TO: POV shot of Woman being pursued down the aisle.

Woman gets a running start and hops up onto the cart axle, coasting toward the exit doors, but just as she is about to emerge from Aisle 6, the floor warps upward into a steep slope underneath her. She screams, and she and the cart roll backward until they crash into the Dairy Case, breaking the glass.

We hear a noise and a flicker of movement from behind the milk cartons.

WOMAN (panicked)
Is there someone back there? Help me! There's something in Aisle 6 that's trying to kill me!

There is no response. She looks at the Aisle and finds it back to normal, though still darkly lit.

WOMAN (to milk cartons)
Hello...?

A pair of withered hands burst out from behind the milk and grab her head in their clawed fingers. The woman screams, we hear a tearing sound, and her head rips off, disappearing into shadows behind the dairy products.

CUT TO: BLACK

TITLE SCREEN: AISLE 6


INT. DIFFERENT GROCERY STORE - DAY

Two men are chatting in the grocery store stock room. One of them, JAY, wears a store uniform vest and is stacking boxes marked NUMBING CONDOMS. The other is in a gray janitor jumpsuit and is holding a janitor mop. This is CHRISTIAN, a grizzled man in his early thirties with a cynical, heartbroken, tormented, atheistic glint in his eyes.

JAY
So did you hear about the murder that happened over at the downtown branch store? Some chick got her head ripped off and no one saw who did it. And it was right next to Aisle 6...

CHRISTIAN
Don't start with that Aisle 6 bullshit, Jay.

JAY
Oh that's right, you don't believe in the supernatural.

CHRISTIAN
Damn straight. I used to, but not no more.

JAY
Even though you used to be a priest.

CHRISTIAN
That's right, until my wife died in a car wreck. How can I believe in a God who lets things like that happen? That's why I quit the priesthood and became a janitor.

JAY
So you don't believe in God either?

CHRISTIAN
Nope. I don't believe in God OR the afterlife. And I sure as hell don't believe in vengeful ghosts like the one that lives in Aisle 6.

JAY
Well how do you explain that over 3 people have died in that aisle in the last ten years?

Christian frowns at Jay but doesn't say anything. Jay stops stacking boxes and lowers his voice.

JAY
They say a woman was murdered in Aisle 6 like a hundred years ago, back in the 1800s. Some religious fanatic ripped her head off with his bare hands because he saw her buying Astroglide. They say her spirit haunts that aisle to this day and every few years, comes out to take revenge on whoever is shopping there at that moment.

CHRISTIAN
Yeah well I don't believe in any of that stuff.

MANAGER (OFF SCREEN)
Hey Christian!

They both jump, then look at the manager, a middle-aged man in a shirt with a tag that says his name and "MANAGER"

CHRISTIAN
What?

MANAGER
You're being transferred. They need some help at another store.

CHRISTIAN
Transferred to where?

MANAGER
To the downtown branch store.

Music tenses. Christian looks at Jay. Jay looks at Christian significantly, then crosses himself....





Ok, that should be enough to sell the studios on. I'll finish writing this later.






















Sketching like crazy!






11 Months

The fact that this is the last "month marker" we'll pass for Isaac is hitting me hard this morning. I wish so much that I was picking out invitations and planning his first birthday party; but instead, Spencer and I are figuring out how to remember Isaac on October 7th in a different way. For the last few months, I had sort of felt like I was in a holding pattern, but these past couple of weeks with fall beginning to make its presence known, and with October 7 drawing nearer, I have found myself missing Isaac in such a fresh way.

At some point, and I am not quite sure when, I went from missing the little baby boy who was born on October 7 of last year, to starting to miss the 9, 10, and now 11 month-old baby boy who I long to have here with us... a little boy who can crawl, pull himself up, has a few teeth, or maybe even take a few steps by now (at least, if he took after his mom!). It's all hard to put into words... the fact that you can miss someone in a fresh, new way. But I do. A lot.

There's this old saying that goes, "There's no rest for the weary." In some ways, our schedule over the last year would indicate that. As I was driving (somewhere... I don't remember) the other day, I began thinking about that phrase in a different way... how we KNOW rest for the weary. I suppose my Reading/English teacher mind comes up with things like that.

I began thinking about the last two years of our lives, really... my mother-in-law's diagnosis of cancer (from which she is now cancer-free!), my miscarriage at 13 weeks, and then our sweet Isaac. Suffice it to say that Spencer and I have felt extremely weary over the last two years... particularly, these last 15 or 16 months. Yet as I thought through all that the Lord has allowed us to endure, I also was struck by His promise in Matthew 11:28-29, a passage that seems to be popping up everywhere lately...

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

I am so thankful that the worn out, the wounded, the hurting, the burdened, and the weary can KNOW rest. I know we have... in the midst of loss, grief, heartache, and missing someone more than I thought was humanly possible, God has been faithful in allowing us to rest in Him.

So, the next time life takes you down a path where you feel like there's no rest for the weary... remember that the weary can KNOW rest when those burdens are placed at the feet of Jesus.

Bike and sketch fells point

Full Moon?

Last night was a full moon, I think. I didn't sleep, kept awake by the moonbeams that filtered through my shutters, painting stripes on my floor. I should have gotten up to close them, but there is something incredible about moonbeams, whatever power they have over the night.
I was up late working on edits for Remembering Isaac with Bert Compton, my layout guy and my friend. Together, we have known many late nights on this book and will know many more, I'm sure, before this series is over.
You may ask why I am editing this book now. I am back ordered 450 books with an order that has come in from Costco of Utah. Each store ordered 100 books after a good showing on Friday and Saturday at the Sandy store. I sold out of 100 books in a day and a half . I found my groove, which I suppose is like finding one's thrill on blueberry hill. I actually had a good time, too.
So, before I print my next edition of 5000 books, I thought I would clean up a few things. I spent a lot of hours making minor tweeks and fixing punctuation in the book. It feels good. I also spent some more time yesterday editing book two. I am really liking it. It is a different feel than book one. I feel like I have become a much better writer in book two which is encouraging and works well with the way Jake also progresses.
I originally printed 1500 books and hoped I would sell them all by Christmas. By September 1, I had sold them all and had the back order too. I am meeting my distributor this morning to hand over 200 books which will help is back order problem, but won't solve it for a couple of weeks until I get the books back from the printer.
I will be speaking to another book club on Tuesday. This seems to be a good book for book groups. It is clean, won't make you blush and offers a lot of good things to think about. I am also enjoying hearing about the broad appeal it has for so many people.
Yesterday, I began taking down my deck in preparation for building a new kiln shed. We hope to make some changes to our house next spring and moving my kiln will be necessary to make those changes. I figured while I'm at it, I might as well do it right. I am making the kiln smaller. I no longer need so much space because I am no longer using as much clay. The kiln shed will be functional for all my needs and make the back yard more attractive.
I also got my proposed schedule for book signings yesterday. I will be signing 3-4 days a week as soon as all the stores have their books. I dont know when I am going to make pots. I am already tired.
So, I guess I better get up. I have books to deliver, and will be signing today in Sandy at the Costco from 12-6. Wish me luck.

I know you from ©Neoangin



100% himalayan made.
I know you from, one of the last songs from
Neoangin, aka Jim Avignon

September?!?

How on earth has it gotten to be September already? The month made its presence quickly known around here... cool evenings, almost brisk mornings, warm days with a nice breeze. A far cry from the hot, muggy, humid summers of the mid-Atlantic.

I remember turning the calendar to September last year... realizing it was the last time I would turn to a month where Isaac would be alive the whole time. How weird is that... to know that in September of 2008, Isaac would be with us. Through all of it. In my tummy, kicking away. And in October 2008, he would be with us for some of it... but not all of it. It would be the month where hello also meant goodbye... two words that should never be ushered in the same breath.

I remember sitting in counseling a few months ago talking with her (the counselor I see) about where I am in my grief journey, and she shared with me how grief is an incredibly sensory experience. At the time, it made sense to me in my head, but I didn't totally "get it." I had always thought of grief as an emotional thing, and a spiritual thing... but not necessarily a sensory thing.

These past few days, it has really struck me. The coolness of the air as I went for a run, the smell of pumpkin bread cooking in my oven... all of the things that start to speak of fall.

Fall.

When Isaac was born... and when he passed away.

This past Sunday when we visited the cemetery, it was a bit cooler than usual. There was this great breeze and I just remember thinking how much it physically started to feel like the days we visited the cemetery shortly after Isaac was buried.

I guess it's just hard for me to know that in 5 days, we'll mark the last month milestone since Isaac was born... then we'll be moving onto years.

Years.

Gosh, that sounds so long... so much farther than I want to be from my son.

I know this post is a bit random, and I am not sure if it even makes any sense. :) It's just hard to articulate the realization that the one year mark of your son's birth... and death... is dawning. And while I am so thankful for how the Lord has brought us through this and where He has led us, there's a part of me that wishes it wasn't all feeling like it was slipping so far away.

I suppose it's times like this that I am reminded, and am so thankful, that eternity is far greater than any distance that can be measured in months, years, or even decades.

Ride and Sketch






Hey everybody, so lately ive been drawing from life a lot lately, but seeing as it has been scorching hot during the day, or im busy with work, i have had to go out at night! A friend of mine, Kerry cessen and i have been riding our bikes around baltimore, sketching alleyways and interesting light sources. Here are a few selections from our latest trip, if anyone is interested in joining us please let me know!